Today, I went to my doctor for a check-up before my Caribbean vacation. He informed me I am overweight for my height and should “eat better, exercise, and lose the excess weight.” I just returned from rehab for bulimia a month ago. My vacation was a celebration of overcoming my eating disorder. FML
How does one follow their heart? I don’t think that I can because my brain always has to put it’s two cents in. It seems to me that my brain is always thinking for me and not letting my heart getting a say in.
Recently I feel as if I’m getting annoyed by good friends that I’ve known for years. I really don’t like this and I don’t know what to do about it.
I feel this solitude in my own apartment has made me more bitter and I feel as if I’m losing the good part of me.
I don’t know what to think of my life right now. Yes, I have a roof over my head food on the table (for now) and a school that I’m going to. But at the cost of what? My emotions?
I have a few friends here in the Daytona area but I don’t see them that much and we aren’t as good as friends as I hoped we could be.
I’ve been so focused on relationships that I’ve ruined a few good possible friendships. And I can’t stop focusing on finding a boyfriend and getting into a relationship. I’ve been able to control it for the most part but still. I feel just as lonely as I did when I first moved here. Sure I’ve settled down some. I have a hair stylist now. lol and I also frequent a gay club whenever my friends decide to go. But, am I truly happy? Am I truly happy with what I have?
I might be having to move up to Ohio if I don’t get this job I applied for in the next few weeks. I feel as if I should go, because I wan to take care of my family. I love to be needed and down here I feel as if I’m not needed by anyone. Barely any of my high school friends contact me anymore and the friends I have here in Daytona don’t even talk to me that much.
I hate that it has to be this way. Where I’m the only one trying to make contact while the other person can’t even take five minutes to send me an email, text message, or myspace message. I understand that some of them are busy or don’t have internet access that much, I know who they are.
I’m just really confused right now. I’ve got a guy I like in Ontario, Canada. We’ve been talking since October of last year and he’s really grown to like me and I’ve grown to like him. We tried to date but all I broke up with him only because I found some one closer that I liked but I never hooked up with that guy. And so just recently we talked about it and I admitted I was wrong for doing that. My “boyhopping” days are over, I’ve finally realized that I can’t just go from one person to the next everytime I see a cute face or because someone woos me. I have to give relationships a chance.
Then I don’t even know what to think of myself anymore. No one wanting to hire me, only holding two week relationships (and not because of the boyhopping), and just failing in general. And then whenever I try to change something, like my habit of not doing dishes it just fails because I just don’t stick with it.
I feel like a big queer mess. I don’t know.
Working on cosplay for Jacon. :D
I had such an amazing night tonight at the club!
I bid you adieu Pax. lol
I need to call the Health Department and I’m damn near shaking in my pjs.
I’m getting to bed. good night